This is the perfect campaign for bringing Sam Cassell to Boston, because A) he is/looks like an alien, B) he’s trapped in Clipperland, and C) by nearly decapitating Rajon Rondo last night he essentially flipped Boston fans and the kid who would start in front of him the bird.
So, we know Sam Cassell wants to come to Boston. We’re pretty sure the Celtics have interest in him but don’t have the assets to acquire him via trade. That leaves the petty, penny-pinching Donald Sterling’s desire to save money as the only way to make it happen. But, more importantly, after Cassell’s showing Wednesday night against the C’s, should the Green even want Xenu, the Evil Alien Warlord?
Yes, Cassell showed his evil tendencies by attempting to behead Rajon after getting beaten easily off the dribble early in the game. But that’s not the biggest issue that reared Sam’s ugly head against the Celtics–Xenu can’t play defense anymore.
Cassell’s night was murky like half and half. On offense he showed the abilities that make him ideal as a game finisher for Boston–he can create and shoot with ease and knows how to draw a foul. However, he was absolutely TORCHED by Rajon Rondo, who stole everything but Sam’s pride and left Cassell in the dust to watch his backside as he attacked the rim like Roger Clemens attacks a chemical cocktail. Given Xenu’s inability to defend, in the best case scenario he would be relegated to 20 minutes a game at most, and perhaps less considering Rondo’s incredible recent performance. Sam’s only real value would be in the fourth quarter, but even then he would be best in an offense-defense combo with Rondo or Tony Allen.
So, before you celebrate Xenu’s potential Boston landing, ask yourself, “Can I handle this face leading my team to victory?”