Will Evil Alien Warlord Xenu Land In Boston?


This is the perfect campaign for bringing Sam Cassell to Boston, because A) he is/looks like an alien, B) he’s trapped in Clipperland, and C) by nearly decapitating Rajon Rondo last night he essentially flipped Boston fans and the kid who would start in front of him the bird.

So, we know Sam Cassell wants to come to Boston.  We’re pretty sure the Celtics have interest in him but don’t have the assets to acquire him via trade.  That leaves the petty, penny-pinching Donald Sterling’s desire to save money as the only way to make it happen.  But, more importantly, after Cassell’s showing Wednesday night against the C’s, should the Green even want Xenu, the Evil Alien Warlord?

Yes, Cassell showed his evil tendencies by attempting to behead Rajon after getting beaten easily off the dribble early in the game.  But that’s not the biggest issue that reared Sam’s ugly head against the Celtics–Xenu can’t play defense anymore.

Cassell’s night was murky like half and half.  On offense he showed the abilities that make him ideal as a game finisher for Boston–he can create and shoot with ease and knows how to draw a foul.  However, he was absolutely TORCHED by Rajon Rondo, who stole everything but Sam’s pride and left Cassell in the dust to watch his backside as he attacked the rim like Roger Clemens attacks a chemical cocktail.  Given Xenu’s inability to defend, in the best case scenario he would be relegated to 20 minutes a game at most, and perhaps less considering Rondo’s incredible recent performance.  Sam’s only real value would be in the fourth quarter, but even then he would be best in an offense-defense combo with Rondo or Tony Allen.

So, before you celebrate Xenu’s potential Boston landing, ask yourself, “Can I handle this face leading my team to victory?”


5 Responses to Will Evil Alien Warlord Xenu Land In Boston?

  1. fouledout says:

    yef.. sam cassell sure looks like an alien.. hahaha!

  2. Balconygal says:

    Putting his looks aside for a minute, b/c I could go on and on about THAT, you’re right on about his defense. He seemed like a lost boy in this game, like he wasn’t sure he was on the right court. His stats (even for half a game) were low and he looked like a clown trying to make like he was fouled over and over. And then there was THE INCIDENT. It would take some super alien powers to get me to cheer him on if he was wearing green.

  3. emmettjones says:

    Man…if you’re a Boston fan, you shouldn’t want Cassell. Like you said in the post…Cassell doesn’t play defense. Unless the C’s can get a significant upgrade at PG, stay with Rondo…its not like he’s killing the team every night and the more playing time he gets the better his jumper will become.

    how old is Cassell anyway? like 37? not worth it.

  4. fouledout says:

    @ emmettjones
    cassell and rondo are both my players in my fantasy team and i think rondo contributes more than cassell does.. sam cassell is old and he might need to hang the sneakers soon..

  5. […] that Xenu has come to Boston, along with his less-alien-looking sidekick, P.J. Brown, the C’s can throw out a finishing […]

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